dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
