people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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