So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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