I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
