Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
