I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wish I only lived at night.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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