Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
