I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm passing your future prison.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
