Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
