I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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