so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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