capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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