How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
