I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
