I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
