Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
