he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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