Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
