when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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