We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
