btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
