Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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