I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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