Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
