Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
