Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
