My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
