that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
