my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
