I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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