So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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