If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Randomize
