There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
