What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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