I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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