I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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