Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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