you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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