Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
how does that bad decision feel?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
