My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
