So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I pour the whiskey from now on
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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