It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
