yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
