I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So many bounce houses so little time
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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