The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Soap is not a condiment
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
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