dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He kissed a someone with a penis
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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