Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
