are you still at the devil's house?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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