Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
