I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
