Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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