Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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