So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
