If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
