Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
there's paper in my vomit.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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