i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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