my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
