If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
