im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
