Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
