Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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