I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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