I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize