Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
