my mouth tastes like poor choices
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
