So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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