Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
