Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
