The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have aggressive nipples.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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