You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
