Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
