She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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